On July 16,2020 I found I was pregnant. I was really freaked out because I thought I couldn’t get pregnant for a second time. My first ultrasound was July 20 and there’s when I found out I was pregnant with twins. I immediately cried and fainted because I didn’t know how my family would take it as I was in a tough situation. I kept it a secret for 2 weeks, and told my parents. They literally cried with me and told me how happy they were with the news.

As the months went by, on my 16 week check up my OB found some anomalies in one of the twins. Then I had went to a cardiologist to check on the twin and he said that she had a heart defect. So I went to many ultrasounds appointments and  lab work, and each time I would have bad news about it. So the last ultrasound I had, the doctor said that she would pass in my belly or that she would be a stillbirth. He recommended to get induced early to save her other twin, but I said no. I was really hopeful that she would hang on until it was time to deliver them both. He still said to be mentally prepared if it would happen.

I went to another cardiologist to get a second opinion in December 13,2020 and I got the best news ever! She never had a heart defect to begin with, she was fine but they did find something in her stomach so they scheduled me for an MRI on her to find out what it was. My appointment for that was January 13,2021 but on January 8,2021 they were born at 31 weeks one minute apart. It was the best day of my life that both of them were born and alive! But then reality hit me and got the bad news. Dayana’s lung tubes were not fully formed, and her private areas were formed but not opened because of the lack of amniotic fluid in her bag and she had polysctic in both her kidneys. Her heart was failing and they would have to reanimate her more than 4 times for the course of the 10 hours she was alive.

She was giving up, I knew it. It was her way of telling me to let her go but deep down inside my heart I wanted her to stay with me I didn’t want her to leave me. It was hard for me to make the decision, and I had to let her go. I told the doctors that the next time her heart stopped to not do anything else on her. We were both in separate hospitals so I wasn’t able to see them but my parents did. I sent them to meet them specially Dayana so they could’ve said their last goodbyes but it was too late because when they got there she was already gone. And I was in the hospital room by myself crying and screaming my pain away.

That night, my whole happiness left with her, my heart and soul left with her. I couldn’t get to hold her one last time and that forever will be with me but at least I got to see her in pictures and videos. My parents took it the hardest as I did, and I’m forever grateful that they took care of me the whole time I was grieving. It’s been hard without her because there’s always the “what if’s”. I tried for the whole year to get pregnant, but after every negative I gave up. But then I’m December, right on Christmas time I found out I was pregnant! I cried of happiness because I knew that she heard my cries for her, she knew I needed her and she in a way I feel she came back to me. I got my rainbow baby back, but this time round my baby is a boy! My due date is August 17,2022 and I cannot wait to meet my little piece of heaven sent.

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